A year ago I'd be
getting wheeled into the recovery wing after having spent a few hours having my
uterus, cervix, tubes and an ovary removed along with a pile of Endometriosis! A year ago I won a fight
I'd picked for myself! Even before having our
son I made it clear that I wanted a Hysterectomy, and while I obviously
appreciate the initial hesitation from my surgeon, after giving birth I spent 2
years (plus another bandaid surgery) convincing doctors that it was MY body and
THIS was what I both wanted and needed.
I have spent
the last year recovering, regaining my life, being a far better mother and wife
and daughter, and rediscovering my social life and what it's like just to be a
productive human being. It's pretty remarkable,
the things you can accomplish (most of which are baby steps) when you're not on
the verge of puking or passing out on a regular basis! I have loved my world
since finding my husband and starting my own family, but this past year I've
fallen in love with my life again. It's no longer a
spectacularly exhausting chore being me.
Things aren't
perfect still, but I feel like a dick whenever I feel the need to whine because
my every-day is so much better then it ever has been! After the initial 12
weeks of allowing my insane hormones to settle and my remaining abdominal
organs to settle into their new (roomier) homes, I had to get used to feeling
NORMAL again! For 3 of the 4 weeks
every month, I wake up and I don't have to run for the toilet immediately. I don't have to take
Gravol on top of pain killers every 3-4 hours. I can make and keep
plans, leave the house without an Ativan, chase my kid around the house without
wanting to cry and needing a nap more then once a day. It's so amazing. Feeling sick is no
longer my norm, and I have a feeling that's why it now really knocks my socks
off when I do get sick.
Once a month
my one ovary ovulates, and it hits me like a truck. The constant nausea, the
insane fatigue, constant bathroom breaks and the awesome breakouts come back
with a vengeance. I also now experience
mind-numbing ovulation pain (because it's likely pissed there's no one to share
the load with anymore) and mood swings. As bad as the physical
'that time of the month' symptoms are, the emotional rollercoaster upsets me
the most. For 7-10 days I jump
from depressed to ANGRY to way-too-happy at the drop of a hat; I need at least
one real cry and I notice (with my helpless toddler) that my level of patience
drops to zero. It's also the only time
I deal with any obvious anxiety, which is annoying, but also impressive. (I haven't had to refill
my Ativan prescription in over 8 months?!)
I saw my
OB-GYN/surgeon this week for a mega 'followup' and my main issue was the monthly
symptoms. I get that every woman
feels like a pile of shit when it's period week, but I felt like shit for 10
solid years. The average female will
experience period symptoms for approximately 492 weeks between their first
period and Menopause (Christ), but I've dealt with over 520 and I'm only 32. That's enough for me,
thanks. So I said I wanted my last ovary out,
which again is met with great hesitation from medical professionals.
Zero
functional ovaries means Menopause which means Hormone Replacement Therapy. To me, HRT at least
seems regulated but of course comes with the possibility of 100 new side
effects, especially considering it could be another 30 years before I'd reach
natural Menopause. So this year I will be
working a new prescription (Cyclomen) into my daily routine in order to prevent
ovulation, which should eliminate the monthly symptoms while still allowing
natural Estrogen to be produced. Of course some of the
possible side effects of this drug are the side effects I'm trying to get away
from...but what's one more year of frigging experimenting my body!? (🤷🏻♀️)
I will still
be going in for another surgery before the new year starts, though. During my LAVH my
original episiotomy was repaired, and by repaired I mean my main concern was
actually made worse, but for now I shal spare social media those details (and
spare my husband the possible semi-embarrassment). I have to have an
impressive cyst removed from under the scar tissue down there, and then a
specialized surgeon will also come in to ACTUALLY (please, God) fix my girl
stuff.
It's entirely
possible that this time next year I will feel even better then I do right now,
and that makes me a little emotional. Good-emotional. Not fighting every
single day makes me good-emotional. My toddler using his July Birthday wish for
'a better tummy for mommy' makes me so good-emotional that I could just die. He is the best, and
being able to be my best for him (most days) is the whole reason I chose to
march down this particular path. I had to fight way too
damn hard for my right to make major decisions for my own body, and the
following recovery was much harder then I'd imagined, but it has already been
so, so worth it.
