Hmmmmm..

This thing, this Monster, is really getting on my nerves.

I spent a wonderful, warm, romantic WEEK, panic free in Myrtle Beach, you know! I left home with only 3 Ativans left, and I returned home..with 3 Ativans! Now that's just nuts! You'd think that a vacation away..that far away, would be perfect time for anxiety attacks.

Then I'm home having a snugly sleepover with my toasty boyfriend, and NOW I have an attack?

That makes me think, maybe this Monster has a soul..and only attacks when he knows I am in a safe place, and have a fair chance of winning our next miniature war. That'd be nice of him, no?

But then Im standing behind a huge bin full of beer, with a bright like over my head, and a sloppy couple making out next to me..and I am fidgeting with my little Cinderella tin, trying to finger an Ativan. I mean, "Hello, Monster! At work with drunk people, and no one to come cover my station while I recuperate in a dirty bathroom stall, is NOT a safe time for an attack! That does not make for an even battle field!" Asshole.

Will it happen? Will I figure it out, one day? Will I understand EXACTLY what makes me panic, and someone get it on some kind of a schedule? Or will I simply have to remain on my toes to all times, always looking over my shoulder, always preparing for a 'just in case'?