Dear Jorja,

YOU GOT THIS.

Deep breaths, and you got this!

This is a good thing, you know it is. This is something we have wanted, and fought for! This is something that will bring years of wondering to an end. And if the results aren't positive for this particular disease, we'll at least we know for sure one more thing that it isn't, right? It'll be uncomfortable, and you'll be nervous, but it'll be over before you know it, and then you'll get some damn answers. And that's the whole point!

Besides all that, here are some reassuring points to keep in mind tomorrow morning:

1. We have Ativan!!

2. You have been through the day surgery process, already, a few times. You know how things go when you arrive, and while you're waiting, so there's no need to panic over that! And while this hospital stay will last a lot longer then the last, and while the recovery process may feel disgusting..you get drugs for that too!

3. This gyno surgeon is well loved, and recommended because he is so good

4. They will have taken your measurements a total of 3 times, so there's no way they will give you insufficient anesthesia and there's no way you'll wake up mid-surgery and have a heart attack and die

5. As a matter of fact, only 4 out of 1000 laparoscopic surgery patients suffer from complications (sometimes fatal), and for sure 4 people out of the last 999 have died already.

6. If there are complications, you can probably sue someone for a ton of money. If there are fatal complications, your parents can sue, and you'll have the fanciest funeral ever!

7. You have a fridge full of Jello and Snapple to come home to, and a freshly washed bed

8. You'll be too distracted by all the texts from all your friends and family to even notice how much pain you're in once you get home!

9. Prince Charming is very eager to keep you company through recovery, even if you're puking, and King Daddy has already dealt with you at you're sickest, so he's prepared too!

10. Oh! You'll be able to find out finally, whether or not you can have babies!

11. People will feel bad for you, and bring you presents (cash is preferred, but teddy bears and soup will be appreciated also)

12. At least you're not being fired from your job for taking a whole week and a half off!

13. At least you're not a US citizen and are going to be flat-broke when you wake up again...

14. At least it's not open heart surgery, or one of those AWAKE brain surgeries that McDreamy loves so much. Oh! When you wake up there will be a brand new episode of Greys downloaded to watch!

Ok, that's enough. I'm tired now.

Keep breathing slowly, make sarcastic jokes when you get too nervous, warn the IV nurse that she only gets one try at your arm, and you'll be laughing one day soon over how worked up you were over practically nothing. Promise!

Ok. Maybe not LAUGHING. But you'll be proud you went through with it, and you'll be EVEN braver for the next time. Can't complain about that!

Now get to sleep before the hunger pains drive you insane :)

Love,
Princess Georgia

...And Nothing But The Truth

My boyfriend turned on the most fantastic Two and a Half Men episode, thisaft!

Mostly the fantastic-factor came from the fact that Ashton Kutcher's new character was drinking PEACH Snapple. AND through a straw!

The theme of the show however, was honesty. And while the characters did a very decent job at proving that you actually shouldn't tell the WHOLE truth ALL the time, it reminded me of a good point I wanted to type about.

I've learned an important lesson this week: When it comes to your health and your well being, you need to be completely honest. Honest with yourself, and honest with those around you.

I've been feeling better! Over the last while, I've been more confident, more happy, and I've been keeping my anxiety fairly in check. I'm also on the brink of buying a home with the man I love, and homes aren't cheap! So! I found myself a second job.

I was hired as an assistant at the coziest little salon, downtown. The owner is utterly adorable, the staff is very inclusive, and the atmosphere feels like home. Perfect for me, no?

Then the hours grew, and my salon shifts were on days when I'd be working another 6 hours at the bar afterwards. I tried it for a few days, and worse then how emotional and exhausted I was when I finally got home at 3am, was how anxious I was growing the night before a double shift.

I woke up this Monday morning, feeling overwhelmed, which was a little surprising since we were just finishing a relaxing weekend at the cottage. As the day went on though, I became more and more stressed over impending tomorrow. I was stressing over getting enough sleep (or being able to sleep at all!), waking up early enough so that I had time to calm down, and about leaving on time with all that I needed to get through the entire day/night. The biggest stressor was knowing that I had to not only be away from my home for 14 hours I had to be ok enough to be productive and smiley for 14 hours.

Welp! Needless to say I had a small break down that night. First it was a rush to the bathroom after dance class, where I overheated and kept from crying by texting my friend who was waiting for me in the car. When I got home though, there was no stopping it.

I cry-texted my friend, and then cried to my boyfriend about how I couldn't handle it. And then I cried more, because I sounded like such a frigging wimp. People go through hurricanes and family deaths, and cancer, and I'm crying because I can't handle a second part time job.

When I calmed down though, and realized my boyfriend wouldn't leave me, and my dad wouldn't be disappointed in me..I realized something. It takes a shit load of courage to ADMIT that you can't handle something. It takes a shot load of self-awareness to know your own limits, and a shit load of courage to admit when you've reached them.

It's the smart thing to do, too. You can get caught up in being proud, and if that had been the choice I made, I'd be sick to my stomach with stress right now.

Likely, part of the reason I feel ok enough to wrote this, is because of the response I got from my new boss when I let her know what was going on. As someone who has spent years dealing with a mental illness, I've experienced my fair share of bullies, and nay-sayers, and people who either think I'm just make-believing excuses, or people who start treating you like some fragile nut case, once you explain the truth. But my employer understood.

She was disappointed, because I was 'a perfect fit' for her establishment and she loved my company, but she understood. And in the end she offered me a few hours on a day when I didn't already work my first job. "I'd love to have you then, if you think it would work for you," she said. "Let me know, and please be honest with me, and with yourself."

By being honest, you are looking out for your own well being. Only YOU know what YOU feel, and what YOU can handle. And if someone truly cares about you, they will understand, because they want what's best for you too. And if they don't, well, they're not worth your time anyways. Kapeesh?

#Preach

Last Tuesday..

Working where I work, I hear many exciting 'conversations' between the security staff and our customers. That's a given. And it's why I don't fall asleep some nights! Tonight however, a whole new level exciting.

There's a girl here, just a regular girl, who needs the Amateur Night cash prize. That's no shocker. But the brain inside her head? Geezes.

She's a frigging ball of energy. "POSITIVE energy," she said very confidently. And she wasn't lying.

One of our bouncers made the mistake of DOUBTING that her energy was contagious, and the excitement ensued. She said that if you spend enough time with her, you'll be all smiles too, and he said that would be impossible. She pointed out that if you're a generally angry person, and you've allowed yourself to get comfortable in your angriness, then you're obviously less susceptible to other's happiness.

Then she mentioned the point that 'everyone is equal' and he refuted that point, too. And while he is entirely entitled to his opinion, she went OFF, and with such conviction!

"It's people like you, who believe society when they say that everyone belongs in one box or another, that KEEP us in those boxes!" He said that economy, and race separates us naturally, and she said that they don't need to. He didn't believe her when she answered yes to, "So if there was a dirty homeless guy standing next to me, you'd talk to us both the same, and give him just as much of your POSITIVE ENERGY?" But I believed her.

He defended himself by saying that he fought freedom and equality (He did fight in Afghanistan, and bless him for that), and she said the most profound thing you'll ever hear in a strip club. Not only is she confident and convicted enough to be debating someone she just met, and an 'authority' figure, she said "Well then you lost! You lost that war regardless, if you came back still believing that certain people belong in certain categories and should be treated as such!"

Segregation is an UNWRITTEN rule, one that people follow because society tells us to, but one that we can't legally be punished for breaking.

Maybe it's one of those, 'You had to be there' situations..but I'm still covered in this feeling of IMPRESSED. I felt the same way she did, but I don't know if I'd ever be confident enough to shove it in some (practical) stranger's face. Plus, I work here so I feel the need to be quiet, and well-mannered, unlike her, who told a guy, "When you're getting to admire hot, naked women all night, the last thing you should be doing is complaining about a $5 cover charge!"

My hero. Lol

I need to start yelling more.

Kind of makes me miss the college classes full of heated debates. I need more well-spoken, intelligent, strong-minded folk in my life.