...And Nothing But The Truth

My boyfriend turned on the most fantastic Two and a Half Men episode, thisaft!

Mostly the fantastic-factor came from the fact that Ashton Kutcher's new character was drinking PEACH Snapple. AND through a straw!

The theme of the show however, was honesty. And while the characters did a very decent job at proving that you actually shouldn't tell the WHOLE truth ALL the time, it reminded me of a good point I wanted to type about.

I've learned an important lesson this week: When it comes to your health and your well being, you need to be completely honest. Honest with yourself, and honest with those around you.

I've been feeling better! Over the last while, I've been more confident, more happy, and I've been keeping my anxiety fairly in check. I'm also on the brink of buying a home with the man I love, and homes aren't cheap! So! I found myself a second job.

I was hired as an assistant at the coziest little salon, downtown. The owner is utterly adorable, the staff is very inclusive, and the atmosphere feels like home. Perfect for me, no?

Then the hours grew, and my salon shifts were on days when I'd be working another 6 hours at the bar afterwards. I tried it for a few days, and worse then how emotional and exhausted I was when I finally got home at 3am, was how anxious I was growing the night before a double shift.

I woke up this Monday morning, feeling overwhelmed, which was a little surprising since we were just finishing a relaxing weekend at the cottage. As the day went on though, I became more and more stressed over impending tomorrow. I was stressing over getting enough sleep (or being able to sleep at all!), waking up early enough so that I had time to calm down, and about leaving on time with all that I needed to get through the entire day/night. The biggest stressor was knowing that I had to not only be away from my home for 14 hours I had to be ok enough to be productive and smiley for 14 hours.

Welp! Needless to say I had a small break down that night. First it was a rush to the bathroom after dance class, where I overheated and kept from crying by texting my friend who was waiting for me in the car. When I got home though, there was no stopping it.

I cry-texted my friend, and then cried to my boyfriend about how I couldn't handle it. And then I cried more, because I sounded like such a frigging wimp. People go through hurricanes and family deaths, and cancer, and I'm crying because I can't handle a second part time job.

When I calmed down though, and realized my boyfriend wouldn't leave me, and my dad wouldn't be disappointed in me..I realized something. It takes a shit load of courage to ADMIT that you can't handle something. It takes a shot load of self-awareness to know your own limits, and a shit load of courage to admit when you've reached them.

It's the smart thing to do, too. You can get caught up in being proud, and if that had been the choice I made, I'd be sick to my stomach with stress right now.

Likely, part of the reason I feel ok enough to wrote this, is because of the response I got from my new boss when I let her know what was going on. As someone who has spent years dealing with a mental illness, I've experienced my fair share of bullies, and nay-sayers, and people who either think I'm just make-believing excuses, or people who start treating you like some fragile nut case, once you explain the truth. But my employer understood.

She was disappointed, because I was 'a perfect fit' for her establishment and she loved my company, but she understood. And in the end she offered me a few hours on a day when I didn't already work my first job. "I'd love to have you then, if you think it would work for you," she said. "Let me know, and please be honest with me, and with yourself."

By being honest, you are looking out for your own well being. Only YOU know what YOU feel, and what YOU can handle. And if someone truly cares about you, they will understand, because they want what's best for you too. And if they don't, well, they're not worth your time anyways. Kapeesh?