"Princess Georgia," the little man said as she slowly opened the door. "Pardon me, Sir, but who's asking?" she frowned. "Benjamin Murr, your Majesty," he answered, bowing his little back politely. Princess Georgia giggled. She knew it was propped to bow to royalty, but it still looked silly! "Can I help you, Mr. Ben?" the Princess offered. "No, my dear. I'm hear to help you."
Still puzzled, still giggling, Princess Georgia joined this mysterious guest out on the front patio.
The Princess yawned, and the man began to explain. "I am an ancient medicine man, I come from four villages over."
The Princess was excited, she'd never known anyone from so far away, because she'd never been more then one village away from home.
"I have walked day and night to bring you something." The Princess eagerly held out her hands, because what girl doesn't adore a present.
"This is not a gift you can hold in your hands, Princess. This is a gift for your body and your mind. Word has flown through the villages, of a poor Princess who has been haunted by an ugly monster. I can help you defeat him, Princess."
Princess Georgia was in awe. However, she was also skeptical. The King has had many doctors and magicians, potion makers, and army leaders working to find a way to save his little Princess. Eventually everyone came up empty handed, and the Princess grew very discouraged.
"I believe that there is something in you, that makes you easier prey for this monster," Mr. Ben began to explain, as the Princess's frown grew deeper. "If you let me run a simple test, I believe I will find something in you, that is not in others, something that makes you more vulnerable to this monster."
Princess Georgia ran to find her father, and with the King by her side, she let the medicine man preform his test.
After all the excitement, after her early morning wake-up, princess Georgia went back to sleep when the test was finished. When she awoke again, the King, and her Prince Charming were standing in her room with the medicine man. They were all smiling!
Turns out, the medicine man found a seed of sickness deep inside the Princess's tummy. It was that hidden illness that made the Princess easier for the Anxiety Monster to attack, versus a villager who didn't have the illness.
"This man was able to fix your illness, Princess," her father exclaimed.
"Once you heal, it is going to be much, much harder for that monster to haunt you, Princess," the medicine man explained. "I can not promise that you will never see that monster ever again, but I can promise that you will be so much stronger, the next time you need to fight him off."
The Princess smiled a sleepy smile. This was the first real answer anyone had been able to give her, about her battle with the Anxiety Monster. She had been fighting him for ages, and now someone was promising her, it'll get better. Imagine that! Princess Georgia hugged the tiny man, and as she watched him begin his long journey back, she realized she felt stronger already.
And I do feel better. I realize that most of it is because mentally I am more at peace over what's been going on inside my body. Going in for surgery has given me a straight answer, and more then anything, that's what I've been hoping for. My anxiety has always been heavily triggered by abdominal pain and nausea, and thanks to surgery, I now know what has been causing those symptoms.
When I went in for my post-op follow-up, the surgeon gave me an overdue, official Endometriosis diagnosis. TA-DA!!
Surgery was more then I had anticipated. Considering my history of anxious thinking, I'm still not sure why I was so sure it was no big deal at all, when I first scheduled it. I've had plenty of procedures in the hospital before, all which required IVs, so I figured I was a seasoned pro! But surgery is really quite different then a procedure. It was overwhelming.
I woke up 3 hours earlier then I needed to, and sat in bed watching TV, and starving! It was probably the best thing I could have done though, because I was SO tired by the time I got to the hospital, I practically slept through all the anxious waiting that you do before they finally take you away. Plus, my daddy was there! He had dropped me off at the main hospital doors, and hugged me lots, but had to leave because he had meetings to get to. Then, as I was giving the check-in nurses my information, he came running in! For almost an hour he sat in my little curtained room, making me laugh, and forget about the needles and slicing. I think that's what I will always remember most about the entire experience. That, and my boyfriend washing my hair and giving me a bath, because getting in the shower seemed terrifying!
I was surprisingly calm while waiting to go in, and go under (Well, I was allowed to take an Ativan, so), but when I woke up a few hours later, all I could do was cry. Including the removal of my wisdom teeth, I've been put under 3 times, but when someone is cutting into your body, they put you OUT! Being drunk or being high, feeling like I'm not in complete control of my own body, has made me extremely nervous over the last few years, so waking up in recovery prettyyy out of it, was scary to say the least. I remember the post-op nurse telling me 'deep breaths' and then she gave me a cookie. At the time I thought that was hysterical.
I napped when I got home, after a girlfriend brought me flowers, and then, since the original IV drugs were still very much in my system lol, I made my boyfriend take me to the grocery store for juice and goldfishes. The next morning, however? Waiting for the T3s to kick in, it felt as though I'd just done sit-ups for 24 hours straight, been STABBED in the bellybutton, and then had each of my ribs broken. Overwhelllllllmed.
I cried a lot! And was confused a lot, because once the bandages came off, turns out it was the teeniest incisions that were causing all that pain. But it was all worth it. Thank geezes!
The surgeon told us that while he was in there, he was actually able to remove most of the current Endometrial implants (found on my uterus and bladder)! Those stupid little cells that had caused me SO much agony..gone! That alone made it all worth it. I won't have to go back in for another surgery now, not any time soon.
To curb future growths/symptoms, I've been put on Demulen, which is a high-progesterone form of birth control.
I originally thought that Endo just grew and put pressure on your other organs, and that that's where the symptoms come from. BUT the cells inside the uterus swell and shrink according to our hormones during our cycle..and the same happens to the cells magically growing outside of the uterus. It's that swelling and shrinking that causes the pain and nausea.
Demulen puts your body into a pseudo pregnancy, and therefore arrests your cycle..arresting the growth and symptoms. The drug is supposed to be helpful enough that I can take it normally (21 days on, 7 days off for a period). Unless the symptoms are still too bad after the next 2 months, he doesn't recommend a patient taking the birth control continuously (skipping a period) for an extended period of time. If you go without a cycle for say 6 months, when you eventually go off it (to get pregnant etc) your period and the symptoms can come back with a vengeance. It can also become harder and harder to un-arrest your cycle, making it harder and harder to get pregnant.
Treatment will remain as simple as possible. Because I'm still so young, and I WANT A BABY!! If this works, once I've had my kids and I'm 35+ we can look further into other more permanent treatments/surgeries.
I know this isn't the end of The Anxiety Monster. I do however think that this is a happy ending to that first very..very long chapter. And I have a feeling that chapter two is going to be far less exciting.
brought tears to my eyes,
ReplyDeletexoxo
- koo