Princess Holidays

This is my favorite time of year, in general, and also for reflecting on all that's come since this time last year as most people tend to do. And it has been SO much. And the coming new year holds SO much already. And I'm a little overwhelmed. 

Overwhelmed shal be my excuse for the lack of 2015 blogging. 
In July (which is already 5 months ago, geezes) our utterly glorious baby turned one, and I underwent my third Endo-cleaning laparoscopy surgery. Very soon after I fell off the wagon, for lack of better words, as far as my anxiety goes. Recovering from surgery with a baby, coming to terms with the fact that despite past efforts and despite getting pregnant my disease continues to grow and spread, coming to terms with postpartum PMDD was overwhelming. Literally feeling the Endometriosis growing back immediately after surgery was overwhelming. Realizing once again, after working the same job for 3 years, that I am too sick to hold a job was very overwhelming. Coping with the constant guilt that accompanies a sometimes-debilitating chronic disease as been depressingly overwhelming. Needing to adjust my antianxiety prescriptions has been extremely overwhelming (and dizzy, and full of headaches). Accepting the Endometriosis treatment that will start in the new year (which I won't talk about until the new year) already has me feeling very overwhelmed. 

Do you know what has been the MOST overwhelming, though? The amount of good, and love, and laughs, and support, and family milestones, and true friendships, and small business success, and marital happiness and comfortableness that has filled this last year, despite all the afore mentioned. 

Of course it is not possible to reflect without seeing one million mental pictures of my baby. Growing up way too fast! He turned a year old and suddenly he is such a real, and wonderful little person. He runs and never walks, he gives the sweetest spontaneous hugs, all of a sudden he's starting to find all these new words ('car' and 'wowwww' are his current fave), he loves to sit and flip through all of his books, he has a favorite TV show and loves the water! He has 4 adorably sharp teeth (and I spend time daily praying that they all grow in straight). He is not a patient person yet, but so determined, and his little concentrating face is one of my favorite faces. I'm fairly certain he prefers his daddy to me for now, which I'm strangely ok with! He has had a persistent little cold for the last month and yet he shrieks and laughs and plays all day every, which honestly is an inspiration. Almost as inspiring as how independent he has (had to) become already. 

My dad has been in Florida for a few weeks now, so when my husband is at work I don't have someone to watch him while I have to be sick in the bathroom. I hate how much time he's had to spend in his crib, but for now it's the safest place for him when he has to be left alone (knock on wood, he hasn't tried escaping yet). I KNOW I'm not anything close to a neglectful parent, but to me it just FEELS like I am always sick, and he's always stuck in his bed. But he has never complained about it. He continues to be completely content sitting on his pillow, with the iPad on and his snack dish and a few books. He has given himself his bottle, and on very special occasions he's put himself to sleep, because my worst flare ups always seem to happen at nap time. I hate it, but it also makes me so proud. I tell myself that I do such a good job as a mom when I'm with him, that he doesn't even need me when I can't be with him. His ability to entertain himself is also pretty reassuring, considering the slim chance of ever getting a sibling!

I think my favorite thing to do these last few months, is taking him to the mall or the grocery store and letting him run around. He gets so excited to watch new people, and waves at everyone. Not a single person can pass us without smiling a real smile, and that alone feels like we are doing our part to make the world a better place. 

And 'a better place' seems like the perfect lead into my next point on my list of things to reflect upon; a group of women who have made my world a better place, and myself a better human being. They certainly aren't my oldest friends, we don't share adorable childhood memories (actually, I knew of and didn't really like a few of them in high school), we don't agree on everything and we are all SO different in SO many ways, but they are the greatest friends I have ever had. Next to my family, I have spent the most of my 2015 time with them, and when we're not together we are constantly texting each other (to the point where we've all had to mute our text group). 

Almost two months ago we managed to get away together, for a entire weekend, just us and no babies and no husbands. We didn't dress up and go out, we didn't take advantage of the freedom to nap or sleep in, we just got to really know and appreciate each other. And become best friends and not just mommy friends. Which is a big deal for someone who's felt pretty shafted in the best friend department for a very long time. 

Between parenting time, and play date time, sick time and napping as much as possible, this year I have managed to run my very own 'small shop'. BoBeads was something that was only meant to be a unique Christmas gift for my afore mentioned mommy friends, and yet the numbers at the end of my first year are so exciting. It has been a huge learning experience (and year two is already beginning with huge serious-business lessons), a great test of my patience and time management, and the perfect creative outlet. 

After inly a few months of business I was able to expand and create The Mommy Made Bazaar, a showcase for mothers who have also created handmade businesses or represent family-friendly brands! I wanted to find a way to support other women who 'go to work' after finally getting heir kids to sleep at the end of the day or hustle during nap time, and while I've questioned why I willingly took on the extra stress (I have a Spring and Christmas show under my belt now), it's been an awesome experience. The small business community is so supportive, and the women I've been able to connect with this way are inspiring. The events also raised over $600 for mommy-centered charities, which is a lovely bonus! Moms supporting moms, supporting moms!

I started out selling BoBeads to local moms in person, and now I have my own .com website and a very decent social media following that has allowed to to connect with customers as far as England, Turkey, Hawaii and New Zealand! And all the while, I've been able to contribute to my family's finances, which is extremely comforting for someone who's been too sick to get a 'real' job. Being a stay at home mom has been very rewarding (even if it wasn't really by choice) and I know it can't last forever so I take full advantage of the time with my baby, but being able to also pay our rent really minimizes the guilt that comes from not being able to work in the stereotypical sense!

Lastly, this year has been so full of family time, and I could not be more thankful for that alone. Even if I never got to experience and enjoy any of the other goodness I just typed about!

For his own reasons, my husband had to take 8 weeks off work, and while he needed to rest and regroup we also took full advantage of the extra 8 hours a day we got to spend as a little family. We found places to day trip, we took turns napping (any parents without this arrangement are insane!), we watched movies as a family and ate all together at the dinner table. We froze while joining our baby in the bath tub, and went out in public to show him off as much as possible!

We managed to take two family 'vacations' (you can't really call it a vacation once a baby is invited) this year, and each has been filled with so much love, and excitement over sharing the memories. Wandering the streets of New York City with my baby was literally a dream. My favorite people in my favorite city! And now we are in sunny summer-time Florida for the second time as a family, soaking up the sun and the glorious moments that a happy toddler creates. 

It's not just Little Lindley family time that has been plentiful these past few months, though. The majority of our days include at least a little Grampa time, and in all honesty I'd choose that over owning our own fancy house any day! There are still plenty of people who question or judge the fact that we live with our baby in my dad's basement, but in our situation it is the very best situation. And few things make me as happy as seeing my dad and his grandbaby together. Watching Judge Judy, lol. 

This summer I also flew with my baby to Kenora with my mom, to spend time with her mom. It was a trip that I dreaded and tried to get myself out of because my physical and mental illness were at an all time high, I hate flying, and Id be single-parenting for a week. But in hindsight I am SO thankful we went. My Nana moved in with my mom just a few weeks ago, so this summer was the last time I'd be able to visit that tiny city, and the only time my baby would get to be there. I was able to go to all the shops and the beach that we went to as kids, all the while getting some quality time with one of my favorite cousins and her kids, and watching my baby bond with his Nana. Despite the ups and downs of my relationship with my mom, I only ever want my baby to love her as deeply as I grew up loving her.

And then there's the family time that includes my baby sister. Huh! After 20 months of exploring and teaching and bike crashing in Australia and Thailand, my sister finally came home to visit. And meet her nephew for the very first time. And just break my heart in the most wonderful way. 

We have all been able to spend these very few days as if we've always been together and it's no big deal, but stopping to think about the significance of her trip home, and seeing her play in the ocean with my baby has been a remarkable gift. He's almost a year and a half old, but he's now been able to hug both of my long distance traveling siblings, and that simply completes my heart. 

And that's that! My fingers hurt now, and my brain feels broken! Actually, that's something else that's proven overwhelming; 'mom-brain'. Lol. It sounds ridiculous, but it is a for real affliction that has hit me HARD this past year! My dreams for 2016 include more productive brain cells. And for my baby to start sleeping through the night again. And a successful hysterectomy. And to get to watch one of my mommies birth their second baby in a tub! And being able to add 50% to my business revenue. And winning Starbucks For Life. Or even just A Week. And hearing my baby say 'I love you'! And also finding Bieber tickets. 

Wishing you the happiest, healthiest 2016 possible
Princess Georgia, xo

Prince/Princess

We officially have a date to count down to.. It's really a matter of days now until we (hopefully!!) get to see the sex of the baby! That being said, I've already spent the last few months trying to decide (because I keep being asked!) if I would be happier one way or the other...

I want a girl because I love the girl names we have picked out, more then the boy names.

I want a boy because I believe I am married to the most well-rounded male..besides being so handsome he is hard working, respectful, a wonderful care taker, great in the kitchen, and mature (when he needs to be)..and I am completely confident that he will raise a son to be all of the above. A son that every girl will adore, and every mother would be happy to have her daughter date.

I want a girl because no matter how hard Old Navy tries, girl clothes are so much more exciting then boy clothes!

I want a boy because most of our friends who have kids, have boys, and they are spectacular.

I want a girl because all the pink candles at Bath and Bodyworks smell better then the blue ones.

I want a boy because as one wise friend pointed out, it'd be my only chance to have a virgin penis inside of me. (I'm still laughing/thrilled at that revelation)

I want a girl because they are less likely to pee all over you during diaper changes. She might pee, but it goes all over the change table vs. all over your face.

I want a boy because being a girl is so ridiculously hard, and painful.

I want a girl because genetically, she'll be more excited to have her nails painted! That's a scientific fact, right?

I want a boy, because that way I'll still be the only princess.

I want a girl because then, we can gang up on daddy!

I want a boy because surely 20 years from now, February 14th will roll around, and he'll casually remind me that he will never love a lady as much as he loves me.

I want a girl because I often feel like it's my calling to raise a female to be all that I wasn't in high school, and all that I am now.

I want a boy, because if we were to adopt a little girl one day later, she'd have a big brother..and stereotypically that just always seemed like it would have been nice. A big brother to have looked out for me...and bring hunky friends around all the time.

I want a girl because it'll finally force me to learn how to French braid.

I want a boy because I'm scared that I'll pass along my Endometriosis. The look of absolute helplessness on my dads face when he's been stuck in the bathroom with me, is something I never want to experience.

I want a girl because the children's library I have been collecting over time, turns out to be quite girly overall. Not that a little boy shouldn't enjoy Disney Princesses.

Ooh! I want a boy, because then I could be his escort down the aisle at his wedding! Then again, that daddy daughter walk was perhaps a few of the most favorite minutes in my life...and something my husband totally deserves.

I want a girl because while she may walk down the aisle with her daddy, I'll get to graduation dress shop with her, and prom dress shop with her, and wedding dress shop with her! That seems fair.

I want whichever gender is less likely to inherit my obvious need for orthodontic work growing up. And whichever gender will be less interested in playing hockey as they grow up. I will not be a hockey mom. You can join the hockey team when you are old enough to drive yourself to 5am practices in an icebox.

So far six out of ten of the 'old wives tale' tests that I did say its a girl, however a girlfriend of mine got the same 'test' results, and then their ultrasound said boy!

Of course the very bottom line, is that I want a healthy baby. And a happy baby. And a baby that loves to nap.

It's honestly remarkably exciting, knowing that we're going to find out so soon. I really do understand the reasons behind some parent's decisions to not know the sex before the birth, but neither of us even questioned our wanting to know as soon as possible. For me, I think that I will feel as though I know the baby that much better. And I want to name it, and then never say 'it' again! And when I'm feeling extra sick, or extra cranky, or extra fat, being able to finally pick out crib linens and a little baby bathing suit will be SUCH a spectacular distraction!

If growing a child didn't magically leave my body so constantly exhausted, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to sleep for the next week and a half. My heart is feeling very reminiscent of my 8 year old self, waiting in my bed with my little siblings, counting down the minutes until we can run downstairs on Christmas morning. Either way, its going to be the shiniest present ever. 

Crown Missing

Right now, all I want in the whole wide world is my engagement ring back. That's it! I don't want a car, or a pony, or a million dollars (ok, I for sure want a million dollars), I just want my ring. 

Peoples took it 7 weeks ago, to make a mold etc. because it requires a custom made wedding band (I have since suggested to every person in a relationship that I know lol, to never buy an engagement ring that won't fit with a normal band, or doesn't come with a band)....and I've started calling them once or twice a week, after the initial 3 weeks. 

First they said they'd make the mold, give us the estimate for the cost, then size and send my engagement ring back. Then they said they weren't making the mold even, until we agreed on the estimate price, because just the stupid mold costs $400. So we said yes to what I think is an outrageous price for a like, a gram of white good and a few minuscule diamonds (it's actually more then twice the cost of my engagement ring!), and we were told my engagement ring would be back in about a week, once the mold was made, and the wedding band would take another 3 weeks. Fine. That was a month ago. 

It turns out, the jewelers needed to keep the engagement ring so that while they are making the wedding ring, they can match all the lines, and all the stones up perfectly. (Isn't that what the $400 mold was for?!) I can appreciate perfection, in fact I expect perfection for that much money. And I also understand that there are hundreds of brides whose rings they are currently crafting, and I accept that we weren't able to give them a ton of notice or time. But 7 weeks without the prettiest thing I've ever seen, is seriously starting to weigh on me!

I am a patient person. I actually consider my patience to be at par with a superpower. I can hold a child for hours while it screams in my face, and it doesn't phase me whatsoever. I don't honk at or flip off drivers who forget that you can turn right on a red. I'm fine sitting in a change room naked for 20 minutes because the sales lady forgot that she was finding me another size. Heck, I waited 2 years after picking out an engagement ring before actually being proposed to! But when I'm told over and over again, 'Oh! It'll just be 3 weeks! It'll just be one more week! Oh, we'll have it next week!' I start to want my antidepressants back, and start ponder antipsychotics, too. 

Most people think I'm being silly. 'Its just a ring, and everyone KNOWS you're engaged,' is a common response. But in all fairness, those people weren't (or never have been) engaged females. Because I feel like its a right of passage! To me, the engagement is the exciting part, the time to simply show off before the actual wedding stress kicks in. Because of everything that's going on, I only get to be engaged for (less then) 4 months, and Peoples has basically ruined half of it. As vein as it sounds, I feel a little less special every time I leave the house, knowing the cashier at the grocery store, or the bank teller, or the kids at work won't get to notice the sparkly thing on my finger. 

I still feel engaged, of course, in the sense that I'm in the midst of planning a wedding, but without my engagement ring, I feel like I'm missing out on the special, pretty, 'IM ENGAGED!!' feelings. I felt super dumb during my Bachelorette party, because of course every stranger who noticed the penis-adorned veil on my head responded with, 'YAY! Let me see the ring!!' After this weekend I will also have attended both of my bridal showers without my engagement ring. And that's ridiculous!

I just got off the phone with our sales lady at Peoples and she seemed far too excited to tell me, 'I think I can get it back for you on the 23rd!' 'Oh, that's awesome! Unless of course you remember that last week you said if have it this week.'

Perhaps it's the expectations that I've been given, that is the kryptonite to my patience. My fiancé took me ring shopping WAY before he was actually planning on proposing, and literally every day after that I was expecting him to drop to one knee. And when you assure me that it'll only be 3 weeks before I get my engagement ring back, I expect my engagement ring back in 3 weeks. And every day after that I want to hit someone a little harder. 

I simply feel incomplete, like a Princess without her crown.  

And I also feel fucking ticked off.