I saw Scream4 tonight!
It wassssss fantastic! Cheesy, and hilarious, and jumpy just like any classic horror movie!
Being the dufus that I am, I found myself relating to poor Sydney Prescott. She's just a regular high school student (well, back in the first installment) and one day, things start going to hell!
Obviously I can't relate to her boyfriend-turned-mass murderer, and luckily my best friend hasn't been murdered by a garage door (..yet), my mother wasn't raped and murdered after being caught cheating, and my dad was never ducktaped into a closet...BUT! I do know what it's like to spend your life looking over your shoulder, always on edge, always preparing for the worst (thought, she was a terrible preparer..why would she NOT have gotten a gun for the second episode?). I know what it's like to live a life dictated by some monster. The Anxiety Monster may not stab people to death, but his wrath is just as heavy, his attacks are just as personal, and his face is just as creepy! (Actually, the Anxiety Monster is rather jealous, since he doesnt have a world-famous Halloween costume designed after him, yet)
Sydney moves far away, and the monster finds her there, and then she comes home, and the monster finds her there again. Just when she thinks she's safe, there's that Ghost Face in her front door window! Just when I'm celebrating my one year anniversary of my diagnosis, and realizing that I haven't had an attach in a good while...BOO! There I am on Prince Charming's bathroom floor, bracing myself, and embarrassed.
I learned 2 things this past Wednesday morning..
1. Being attack-free for a few weeks (like major-attack-free) is definitely something to celebrate, but over time you start to forget what feeling really anxious feels like..so when that next attack hits, it knocks you right off guard!
I was just in shock, and scrambling, and scared. It's so easy to get used to NOT having attacks as regularly as I used to, and start getting comfortable and confident again. So this particular 5am panic was much more damaging then it would have been, had I been having attacks more regularly. So what's preferred? Having attacks every other day, but being able to keep them at bay, or being panic-free until one finally comes and literally knocks you off your feet?
Perhaps, I've gotten myself better to the point where I can keep the regular anxiety in check, and now the next step is to find a way that makes these sneak-attacks much easier to handle, too.
2. My boyfriend is a NATURAL, when it comes to defusing a full-blown, Level 10 attack.
I had gotten out of his bed, trying not to wake him, and sat in his bathroom. I was over-heated in bed and had to pee..but then I kept heating up, and when I went to pee, that gona-puke siren started blaring and I just went to the floor!
I called him in (just like Daddy lol) and as soon as I saw him I laied on the floor, and he put a bucket in front of me. He found my drugs, and got a cold cloth for my neck. Then he stuck his hand under the tap, sat down behind me, and put one hand on my outstretched arm, and one on my bare back. It was a MAGIC amount of pressure that he kept on my body (intense full-body pressure has been proven to calm anxiety, but I've never tried it), and it was only 10 minutes until I felt safe enough to sit up. Lucky for him too, lol because he had to leave for work asap!
Whether it's a parent or a friend, or a King Daddy, or a boyfriend..they have NO idea what is going on inside your head and inside your body at that moment, but them remaining there until you're ok..it's breath taking!
I think that the Anxiety Monster and I are just barely starting our first sequel now, so there's still a ways to go...2.5 more movies, actually. But in the end, I want to be just like Sidney! A published author coming back to where it all started, to slaughter that monster herself!
"CLEAR!"
(You'd only really understand that final word, if you've seen the movie. lol)
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