'If someone told me a
year ago that I'd be spending all day out of town by myself, eating tons, AND
going out to dance all night without any tears or drugs..I'd have told them
they were dreaming.'
Recovery is never about leaps and bounds and over-night glories. Whether its an addiction, a disease, a mental illness, losing a job or a friend, or a shitty breakup, it takes a heck of a lot of time to move on. And it takes even longer to move upwards.
Come this Friday, I will have worked regularly, Monday - Friday, for a month! And I am well aware that that doesn't sound so impressive (especially considering the fact that I don't think my dads called in sick once over the last 10 years), but it's been well over 2 years since I've worked on a daily basis. Two years ago I was too sick to work at all. And while this job is only part-time, it's been a pretty brilliant start.
I learned that you can't rush into anything. You can't push your luck. It would never be recommended that a recovering alcoholic get a job at a distillery after just one AA meeting. Jumping into a huge commitment, with the risk of burning myself out again, would be taking these good-feeling days for granted. Great-feeling days.
It's so easy to compare ourselves to others. Preteens are stuck feeling too short, and too fat, and too flat compared to celebrities their age. There are days when I feel too unaccomplished compared to my baby sister who's taking on Italy all by herself for the summer (see http://mintcovered.blogspot.ca/), or my friends who are all getting married and having babies. But those are counter-productive thoughts. They didn't start where I've had to start over. It doesn't take long to remember what it felt like to spend all my time on the cold bathroom floor, just praying for a break. From there, I've come further then anyone has. I've beaten odds, and won more battles then anyone has.
Recovery is never about leaps and bounds and over-night glories. Whether its an addiction, a disease, a mental illness, losing a job or a friend, or a shitty breakup, it takes a heck of a lot of time to move on. And it takes even longer to move upwards.
Come this Friday, I will have worked regularly, Monday - Friday, for a month! And I am well aware that that doesn't sound so impressive (especially considering the fact that I don't think my dads called in sick once over the last 10 years), but it's been well over 2 years since I've worked on a daily basis. Two years ago I was too sick to work at all. And while this job is only part-time, it's been a pretty brilliant start.
I learned that you can't rush into anything. You can't push your luck. It would never be recommended that a recovering alcoholic get a job at a distillery after just one AA meeting. Jumping into a huge commitment, with the risk of burning myself out again, would be taking these good-feeling days for granted. Great-feeling days.
It's so easy to compare ourselves to others. Preteens are stuck feeling too short, and too fat, and too flat compared to celebrities their age. There are days when I feel too unaccomplished compared to my baby sister who's taking on Italy all by herself for the summer (see http://mintcovered.blogspot.ca/), or my friends who are all getting married and having babies. But those are counter-productive thoughts. They didn't start where I've had to start over. It doesn't take long to remember what it felt like to spend all my time on the cold bathroom floor, just praying for a break. From there, I've come further then anyone has. I've beaten odds, and won more battles then anyone has.
My boyfriend and I have moved in together, too! We didn't put a down payment on our dream home..or any home, lol. We have moved into the basement apartment in my dad's house. This Princess isn't ready to leave the Kingdom just yet. And that's ok! It's good practice, paying rent together, doing each others laundry, sharing space. It doesn't matter how big a step is (I have teeny feet anyways), so long as you're stepping in the right direction. It's not our dream house, but I get to spend every sleep with Prince Charming, which is pretty dreamy.
And come September, I will be working full-time, a regular, real job. Imagine that! I'm counting down the number of baby steps it'll take for me to reach the dreams I had before I ever got sick. Dreams I thought were pointless after all that bathroom floor time. Dreaming dreams again? That's even bigger then a baby step.
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