Be You Louder

Today I got a private message via the fancy new Instagram instant messaging (was that really necessary?), that instilled a deeply proud feeling inside of my heart. 

It was never the plan to start littering my follower's feeds with posts about my illnesses (both physical and mental) but I received such support in the comments sections. I quickly came to realize how therapeutic it was for me, to type the things in my head and have really people hear them. To share real unfiltered, unconcealed (usually unshowered) photos of my life and have real people see them. To be heard and seen, and not abandoned, even by people I'll never meet and who owe me nothing, is therapeutic. 

Today though, it wasn't a 'you are so strong' or 'hang in there' that moved me. Today I received a private message from a young mother living in Turkey, who came across my Instagram feed while doing 'panic attack' research online. (THAT is why hashtags are so necessary, lol I don't care what anyone else thinks!) 

Here was a person just like me, a million miles away, so thankful to have found someone who seemed to really understand what she'd been going through. And that's the thing! We can have dozens of friends and family members who support us and love is no matter what, but no matter how hard they try, no one can actually understand what you're going through unless they're going through it to. And despite not wishing what you're going through on your worst enemy, it is a special kind of comfort when you find someone who is. 

When I was first diagnosed with depression in high school, I didn't tell any of my friends because I assumed no one would understand. When I got so sick that I had to quit my job and was living at home in my late 20's, I literally ran away from anyone who MIGHT ask, 'so what have you been up to?' I have been alive for 30 nearly years, I have been (some sort of) sick for maybe 13 years, and a good 8 or 9 of those feeling too embarrassed or guilty to be honest about who I really am. 

I blog, and I Facebook and Instagram about my Endometriosis and the Anxiety Monster because of panicking moms in Turkey. Because of people all over the world who should never feel embarrassed or guilty, because I no longer do.