Aug 5th 2010, 5:25pm - bathroom stall

Panic survival 101:

Sarcasm is KEY to overcoming the absolute SHAKES in a public washroom.

Maybe sarcasm isn't the right word.

What do you call it when you make fun of yourself?

(I can hear my boyfriend now, 'You have an iPhone! Look it up! That's what an iPhone is for!')

...

The first page of results when Googling 'making fun of yourself' have no conclusive terms. Having a good sense of humor, basically. Or sarcasm?

Whatever! I just wasted approximately 7 minutes of time..and you read about it, so who's the idiot now?! :)

I've been sitting in this bathroom stall for maybe 40 minutes now (who really knows, because panic makes time move slower then..the slowest thing on earth! I could to back to work now and they'd probably admit to not even noticing I was gone.) sending LOL texts to everyone I normally text while stuck in the bahroom. And we have concluded the following, slightly amusing, things..

1. Even a Chatelaine cover girl can't pull off the toilet-ring-around-the-butt look. Even Jessica Alba would look like a loser with a big red circle coming out front under her shorts, so I don't feel bad!! However, luckily..

2. Being a panic sufferer makes you a superb packer for all occasions! I brought an extra pair of pants! I brought them incase it got too cool while working tonight..but it works for this situation as well. I'm smart without even realizing! It also helps to be working with your mother, who can kindly deliver your extra pair of pants to the ladies room when you realize you're going to need them.

(I am now realizing that if someone took notice of me entering the bathroom, is noticing I've been in here long enough to write a blog, and then notices I've changed my bottoms, clearly the first assumption would be that I shit my pants. It doesn't help my defense case, that a janitor came in a few minutes ago too..

THAT! THAT is sarcasm, no?

Continuing..

3. I am a truly resourceful panic'er.

The imbeciles that designed this snazzy Toronto Convention Center washroom decided to forgo individual taps, and so only hot water comes out. Hot water is not what I need for my just-incase washcloth, always folded into my purse! Didn't they KNOW hot water wasn't going to help calm the person who was bound to have a panic attack in their establishment..years down the road?!

I however recalled a frozen water bottle I'd packed in my lunch bag! Yes, a red-headed lady looked at me funny when I unpacked and poured it all over my lime green cloth..but panic'ers do, what panic'ers must do! So PISS OFF, lady!

Ever wonder, 'is there someone out there, far far away maybe, doing the exact same thing that I'm doing right now?' I always think that when I'm laying in the park, or on my back deck staring at the stars. That's a romantic thought. 'I wonder if someone out there, far far away maybe, sitting in a public bathroom stall, blogging about panicking while sitting on the toilet..' is not such a romantic thought. But I wonder it anyways!