The trees blurred into one big green as Princess Georgia raced up the mile-long entrance way to the palace! The Anxiety Monster was nipping at her royal behind while she kept reminding herself that she was moments away from home, moments away from safety.
Princess Georgia shoved her way through the heavy palace doors, not even giving the family's butler a chance to hold it open for her, and she bounded up the grand staircase nearly tripping over her gown! Then, there it was. Her favorite secret hiding place, at the end of the hallway! Safety was in sight! Just a few feet away! Princess Georgia sprinted, grabbed the big brass handle, and through herself into the door!
Then she through herself into the door, again!
"Oh, no!" Princess Georgia yelled. "Hello? Who's in there? That is MY safe spot, in there!"
Princess Georgia heard a tiny shuffle, and then a tiny voice followed, "I'm sorry."
The door opened carefully, and the Princess slipped inside and locked it behind her. She glanced around, and then looked down. There was no person hiding in her spot, no lost kitchen-worker or housekeeper, just a little teddy bear! And the teddy bear looked scared.
"Are you lost?" Princess Georgia asked.
The scruffy little bear proceeded to tell Princess Georgia that she too was hiding from the Anxiety Monster! The little bear needed a safe place to hide, and found this room which looked perfect, of course.
"It's been a while..weeks have passed since the last time the Monster tried to attack me. I thought I was safe, I thought the Monster was done with me, but them I was picking flowers in your gardens out back, and there it was! Out of nowhere, these big yellow-red eyes were staring at me, and I just ran! I'm sorry, I can see that this is your hiding spot..I will go find my own.."
"NO!" the Princess yelled. She was just as shocked as her new fluffy friend, by how much excitement was behind her answer. Princess Georgia was used to spending time on this floor all by herself. She was used to talking to, and keeping herself distracted until the Monster had left her alone again. But imagine how much easier this fight would be, if she had someone to sit next to her.
I have a boyfriend who loves me no matter how much time I spend on on that bathroom floor. I have parents who do whatever they can to help keep me comfortable, and remind me how far I've come. I have siblings who keep me inspired, and friends who plan on staying sober, and lame with me while at a cottage full of partying this long weekend. I could not have come this far without that, all that, I wouldn't be able to go hours..days..weeks without having to hang out on that floor, if it wasn't for all that. I am thankful beyond imaginable for that. However, having a person on the inside, nothing really compares to that.
My dad hugs me on a regular basis, and when he hears me up in the middle of the night, he waits up in case I end up having to call for help. My mom checks in often, and a boyfriend who texts me from downstairs, waiting patiently while I wait in the bathroom to feel normal enough again. Today though, I realized that I also have..a person.
I have a person who knows what the shakes feel like, knows exactly what THAT MOMENT (when your entire body flushes and my heart starts racing) feels like. She knows exactly how pathetic I feel when I have to run away from seemingly normal moments, to hide, and cry, and hate myself until it passes. She understands why it takes weeks and lists, and googling the nearest emergency room, and figuring out out exactly how long it would take to drive back home to my Daddy, to feel stable enough to spend a weekend away from my own bed and my own toilet. She knows what the inside of my head looks like, and what the inside of my chest feels like when I realize I used the last Ativan in my little pill box in my purse the other day, and forgot to replace it.
I've always had her, but after fighting through an hour of trembling hands while looking for a new book in Chapters, and buying a fabulous new bathingsuit cover-up, I ran into her again, and my hands stood still again. We spent an hour, standing in the middle of the mall, just talking and reliving, and relating..experience by experience, feeling by feeling, depressing night by depressing night..and my currently anxious world, slowed down enough to let her back inside!
"There is plenty of room down here for two to sit. And wait. It would be nice actually, to have someone to talk with until the coast is clear!" Princess Georgia assured her new stuffed friend.
"You're right," the teddy agreed. "Maybe it could even be a little less scary, if someone else is hiding with me. Maybe we can scare away the Monster, fight him off a little quicker, if there's two of us!"
"We could make a great team," Princess Georgia confirmed.
"My name is Bri!" The Princess shook her outstretched paw, and that was that!
adorable!!
ReplyDelete