'God doesn't hand you more then you can handle'
A friend tweeted that today, and it made me think. Well, I've heard that quote 100 times, and I have always thought the same thing. This time though, I am very open to, and hoping for someone (anyone!) to explain it all to me, once I'm done ranting.
I think that some people would find the quote flattering, that's one way to look at it. "Aw, shux! God thinks I'm so strong and brave and THAT'S why the shit it my life keeps piling up on my head! What a guy!"
When I look at it though, I get confused. If I'm being handed all the shitty cards, because I'm so great and I'm so strong, does that mean god thinks that everyone else out there WITHOUT regular panic attacks and stomach aches, are just a bunch of sissies?!
Personally, I think the person who came up with that inspirational passage was some super religious person trying to find a way to kindly make up for their claims that God is the all-powerful being.
We're told that God does everything and rules everything and he's always watching, but that only comforts us mortals until the shit starts getting real. Once people start getting diagnosed with cancer, or sent home from Iraq in coffins, or losing babies, or getting raped, then someone comes up with, 'God doesn't hand you more then you can handle.'
Let's say I understand it, I understand that God thinks highly of me and my capabilities. I think, no..I'm pretty sure that 4 years ago, I could have said, "Thank you God, for testing me and showing me just how strong I am.". But that was 4 years ago... I am now 4 years later! And after 4 years of the same up and down and WAY down, after 4 years of feeling on the verge of throwing up, I don't feel so thankful or empowered.
And I still sit with that 'why me?' question. Maybe I wouldn't mind being on God's SISSY list!? How does that get decided? And how do the tests get decided? Does a note come up on His computer, flashing 'Our Panic Disorder Quota is Getting Low' and he concludes, "Jorja! She could handle that!"
Gee, thanks!
I just, I get it already! God thinks I can handle panic attacks. I KNOW now that I can handle it! But enough already, you know? I'd appreciate it if God laid off, and started showing someone else how profound they can be when pushed to the limits!
(Oh, please! If you didn't know by now that I am no big believer, then that's your fault for not reading me more thoroughly. Non-believers have wonders too, though, you know?)
Amber H: Jorja I think your honesty is wonderful. I am a "big believer" as you call it but I don't agree with that statement anymore than you do. I think it was something that some well meaning person came up with. I think its similar to saying "Don't be sad, they are in a better place" when someone you love dies. The person says it because they don't know what to say and it would make them feel better if you didn't feel sad or burdened by an anxiety disorder. I don't believe that God gives people anxiety disorders or cancer or makes them lose a loved one to teach them something. I believe that He can use those things that happen to us because we live in a sinful world where crap happends. And He can teach us things from them but he is sad that it happends to us just as much as we are. I don't have any majical answers that will solve anything. I have found that God has been with me through all my struggles and even though crap has happend I can find strength in him.
ReplyDeleteAnyways sorry for the sermon. I always read your blog and I think you are very couragous. Thank you for sharing your struggle and helping us all to have a better understanding of anxiety and panic disorders.
Larissa B: Jorja,
ReplyDeleteI love your recent post on God/anxiety. I can only speak from experience but this is my thoughts as someone who does believe in God. My struggle with anxiety was not from God. He did not intend for me to struggle with that. I think He can use shitty situations (in my case my cousin's tragic death) to teach us but that God never destined for my cousin to die (this is my belief). Some would disagree and say that it was God's plan for my cousin to die, for you to have anxiety etc. But how could I love a God that wants hurt or deals shitty situations just because we can "handle it". I don't know the answers and this is not an eloquent response (I have a fever right now lol) but I get your questions. If you ever have the chance- read "The Shack". It's an amazing book- it's a fictional novel but talks about God.
Keep pushing on Jorja! You are a beautiful, victorious, young woman who deserves freedom from the Anxiety Monster!