The Anxious Brain

I was trying to explain WHY I'm so on edge about my appointment to get my blood work done (attempt number 2).

I have one column full of times that I have successfully given blood without falling over and wanting to die. Then there's column two, with ONE bad experience, and suddenly my brain flushes column one right down the toilet!

'Irrational Fears' from an anxious brain is what that is, and sometimes you have to consciously remind yourself of reality. It's one of the chapters in my Anxiety And Depression For Dummies Workbook, taking the time to physically show yourself what's real.

Ex. I, and a million other people have had blood taken with no problem, before

Ex. I will have Ativan and imodium to keep me calm, and a very distracting mother

Ex. If I do start to panic, I'll have extra drugs to bring me back together

Ex. If the same thing happens again, the clinic is prepared for it, with cold compresses, and paper covered pillows, and juice

Ex. I'll have Snapple, and happy-time videos of Brooklyn and Buddy

Ex. I have survived the fainting and feeling sick once already

Ex. Worst case scenario, I'm too freaked out, and have to leave and try again another day

Ex. This blood work could prove a B12 deficiency which could be the answer to all my tummy issues, so it's worth a try

It's a little creepy, when you can differentiate the thoughts you have, and realize that you don't have full control of your own thoughts.

I remember being at the beach with my boyfriend and I started to panic seriously, because I was overheating. My brain jumped to the conclusion that I was overheating because I was about to be sick or have to rush to to go the bathroom. That was my first thought. It was long..long minutes later that I finally realized I was more likely overheating because we were outside, directly in the sun, in 35 degree weather.

It's hard work, and takes a lot of repetition and practice (unfortunately I've had plenty of opportunities to practice) to shorten the time between irrational thoughts made by your anxious brain, and realistic conclusions. Sometimes it's too late, and no matter what you try to convince yourself of, you're stuck in the middle of an attack that you just have to endure. It's a powerful thing, the anxious brain.

To most people, reality is an obvious thing. 'There's no need to panic,' is often the first thing that someone on the outside will say to you when you're having a panic attack..or want to say to you, but know better then to. They haven't dealt with an anxious brain themselves. I like to think that it was a panic sufferer who first doodled the angel and the devil on either side of someones shoulders, bickering back and forth about whether or not to start shaking and sweating!

Anyways. That's why my nerves are so on edge that I feel colostraphobic in my clothes, over the anticipation of a needle in my arm in 12hrs.. An anxious brain! Ta-da!

Too bad KNOWING it doesn't cure you of it.

I just have to keep making lists of reassuring realities in preparation.